If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
