He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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