I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
