so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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