I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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