My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
