i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
