how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
