its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
