im drinking this country out of the recession.
even my farts smell like vagina
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
