You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
