pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
