If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
did i walk over a car last night?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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