oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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