I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
