420 ftw
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
