i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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