the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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