I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
