Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Randomize
