shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
