what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
