I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
