Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
