just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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