Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
