you would pick up someone in the library
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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