I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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