He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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