Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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