I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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