btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
