Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Panties = found
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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