I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
