remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
