I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
