Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I met the friendliest cop last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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