Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
