STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
