I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
