if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
