Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
