did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
