So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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