Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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