nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize