do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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