sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
