We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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