apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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