take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
