tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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