Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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