i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I came so hard my ears popped.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
