Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
