Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
