You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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