so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can I color on your dick again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
