This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
