Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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