I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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