My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
