there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
