Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
