my phone needs a breathalizer
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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