Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize