Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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