Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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