I can text with my tongue
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
