Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
