Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
