i already hear my dad disowning me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
