I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
